Obviously a whole lot was going on in the world as we were forced to accept the idea that Trump had won the presidency. But that's all documented out there in the form of news sources and I'll give my opinion on that as it comes up. For now, I'm focusing on the aftermath in my personal life.
The first SNL episode after the election was obviously somber. Kate McKinnon sang a beautiful rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" that really captured what I was feeling. It was timely because in addition to the election news, Cohen died that week. (If I was 80+ I'd have picked that week to say "peace out bitches" too). I didn't watch the whole episode, just the Hallelujah opener and a skit of Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock watching the election news unfold with some white people. The white people went in confident that the country would do the right thing, but the black men weren't so sure. The white girls watched in shock as it unfolded and after it was over, they were crying that "this might be the worst thing America has ever done!" while Dave and Chris laughed and were utterly unsurprised.
I was so those white girls (though I'd like to think I was at least not so dense as to think this is the worst thing America has ever done). I didn't see this coming. I thought Donald's getting the nomination was a fluke. I trusted the polls that said Clinton would most likely win. I thought there was no way enough people actually liked him. America is mostly good! Somehow I thought we were far enough removed from our legacy of being a country being built on race-based genocide and slavery! So it was a shock to me. It wasn't a shock to POC though. They know how shitty America really is because they live it every day. What a wake up call to my privilege. I mean, before the election I understood privilege on an academic level. I knew I had a whole lot of it. But it took this election for me to really understand it on an emotional, visceral level. I think the same is true for a whole lot of white liberals. I hate that this is what it took. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm working hard on figuring that out.
The election triggered a major depressive episode in me. I've always been prone to depression and I've been on meds for it before, but I've never had an episode like this. I lost my will to do anything. I lost my appetite. I even wanted to die (I wouldn't say I was actually suicidal, but I had thoughts like that I wouldn't mind if a semi were to broadside my car and take me out quickly). Luckily, I am a super privileged doctor wife and my husband immediately restarted me on my meds and I was able to get it under control within a couple weeks. I'm feeling much better now. Still obviously terrified for the future, but I'm able to function and feel happiness again.
I still had some privilege lessons to learn though. As I got better, I realized that I'm surely not the only person in this country who slipped into major depression after the election. But we still have a shitty healthcare system and a whole lot of suffering people aren't able to get the help they need. They just have to live like that and try to keep functioning. Privilege lesson number 1.
Privilege lesson no. 2. I noticed something I didn't expect in those couple weeks. Many POC seemed to be functioning much better than me. They were posting cute kid pictures on facebook and going about their daily lives. My spoiled ass was confused. I thought to myself, they had a lot more to lose in this election than I did. Why weren't they more sad? It clicked when I watched the SNL skit (I'm hopeful that it would have clicked faster if I hadn't been in a depressed fog that week). This is life for them! They always have to live with this kind of disappointment in their fellow Americans! We are constantly letting them down and betraying them! My white liberal self is no exception! If they were always depressed about it they'd have no time to live life! Holy shit. Why did it take this election for me to see that. So help me God, my kids are going to be aware of that. They WILL understand their privilege. If me and all the other liberal parents out there can do that, well, that's our only hope for making sure America doesn't have to make this mistake again.
But America most likely will make this mistake again. The election made me want to completely relearn history. I was only ever taught the bullshit "city on a hill" version. I went to BYU, so my college American history course taught me that white colonizers who wiped out the native American population were "inspired by God" to find and start this country so that God's "one true church" could be founded here. For real. That's what I was taught. In fucking college! Have you ever heard anything so white Christian-centric? There was also a whole lot of talk about the founding fathers being "inspired men of God." Yep, inspired men of God apparently own slaves and have several mistresses and have no qualms about killing people they view as "savage" (read: brown people). Of course the constitution is mostly good. But romanticizing the men who wrote it helps no one.
So to start the process of relearning, I've been watching a documentary series on Netflix called "Oliver Stone's Untold History of the United States." It focuses on how we simply aren't told the darker parts of US history. I quickly learned that we've elected people like Trump before. Every time a progressive, peaceful movement starts, it gets squashed by greedy, white supremacist war hawks. See the administrations of Truman, Nixon, Reagan, Bush Jr, Trump. The people always vote for that, without fail. I wish the history taught in American public schools wasn't so whitewashed. It certainly would have helped me to see this coming.
The fact that Hillary won the popular vote (by a lot) is the only hope to cling to. More people wanted to continue the slow moving progressive movement that Obama worked so tirelessly on. It wasn't quite enough to overcome the outdated, racist electoral college. But maybe next time it will be. Is it naive of me to be that hopeful?
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